I understand pretty well how difficult she made herself to get in touch with. When we argued as young sisters I used to see those outbursts too

One time my dumb 12 year old self unexpectedly, somehow stumped her in a verbal argument, and she grabbed the couch I was sitting on and tilted it to scare me because I'd made her so upset

I don't begrudge her that any more of course! We were all three of us products of our environment

She was above all things reclusive, and I know my sister and I struggled with feelings of wishing we had spent more time with her. But at the time we were just following her wishes. We couldn't have known our time was so short.